Time Flies  

Posted by Brock Booher

It would an understatement to say that I have been busy, but that still is no excuse for not posting a blog last month. I recently participated in a writing exercise using Storymatic, a group of cards that are used as story prompts. I chose the following random cards - 1) Write the story in the 1st person 2) Pilot 3) Someone who just got out of prison 4) Unopened envelope 5) Overdue apology. With those cards as my story prompt, I wrote the following short story. Enjoy.

Time Flies

It took exactly forty-seven seconds for the prison door to slide open. After spending six years, four months, fifteen days, ten hours, twenty-three minutes, and thirty-nine seconds behind bars, you would think I learned patience, but you’d be wrong. I learned to wait. Patience is different than waiting.

My lawyer was there to greet me with his politician’s smile when I walked out a free man. “How does it feel to be exonerated?” he asked.

I stared right through him for five whole seconds but didn’t answer the question.

He had never served time a day in his life and nothing I could say would make him understand. On top of that, his efforts didn’t set me free. While he cleaned out my savings account, I gave information to the Feds until the case broke, and they arrested the real criminals. Now he wanted to stick me in front of the cameras and bloviate about saving innocent people. I never even smiled for the camera, and saved my energy for more important matters.

When the press conference was over, he pulled me aside and put on his courtroom face. “She’s here in the US now. She wants to see you Jack. She wants to apologize.”

She was Beatríz – chocolate skin, brooding black eyes, and even blacker hair. She told me she loved me. She told me she wanted to marry me. I believed her, right up to the point when she betrayed me.

I wanted to see her too, but not to apologize.

I jumped in a cab and headed for the rendezvous location so I could hear her apology, or something like that. The sky was a crisp blue with puffy white clouds, the perfect kind for cloud chasing, just like the day they hauled me to jail and clipped my wings. All I ever wanted to do was fly, but jailbirds don’t fly. They flap their wings in the yard like some fat chicken, but never get off the ground. Beatríz had betrayed me, and her betrayal kept me on the ground for six long years. Now it was time for payback.

The cab pulled up and I saw her sitting in front of the Starbucks with sunglasses on. She stood when I got out of the cab, and for a moment I thought she was going to rush over and hug me. I think the look on my face stopped her.

She took off her sunglasses when I walked up. “Hola Jack, it’s good to see you,” she said.

I stood there with my arms folded and didn’t say anything.

She reached out to touch me but drew back her hand. “I’m very sorry.”

I glared back and sat down. I was trying to decide if a Starbucks cup could be used as a deadly weapon. Several other people sat at nearby tables engrossed in their phones. I wished I had insisted on meeting somewhere private, someplace without cameras, or witnesses.

She sat down across from me and slid a cup across the table. “It’s dark roast, just the way you like it.”

What did she know about what I like anymore? How could she possibly think that an apology over a cup of coffee could set things right between us? I ignored the goodwill gesture and asked, “What do you want?”

She looked at me with brooding eyes.  “I know you’re angry, but it really wasn’t my fault.”

“Angry? Not your fault?” I began to mimic her pleading voice from six years ago. “Por favor, Jack! It’s just one suitcase. My cousin is in the hospital and needs these things. You don’t even have to take it to him. Just get it on the airplane and a family member will pick it up in baggage claim. Please!”

I was happy to see a tear roll down her cheek. My rage searched for a way to extract revenge on the spot, but six years of learning to wait kept me from it. I waited at least a minute for her to speak.

She wiped a tear and said, “They threatened to kill my family if I didn’t convince you to carry that suitcase for me.”

I knocked the cup of dark roast off the table and stood. “So you chose your family over me? I was expendable? You didn’t trust me enough to let me in on the secret?” I leaned forward and grabbed the small metal table at the edges gripping for something to control my rage. “You stole six years of my life!”

I stood there grasping the table and clenching my teeth as hot breath surged in and out of my nose. She put her face in her hands and began to sob. I wanted to somehow extract six years of pain in sixty seconds. I noticed that a man sitting nearby stood and began recording with his phone. I glared at him, like only a convict can, making him cower and mind his own business. I released my grip on the table and sat down again.

I checked my watch. I had waited six years, four months, fifteen days, twelve hours, forty-one minutes, and eighteen seconds for this encounter. The exact moment of my revenge had arrived and in the end it felt more hollow than an empty prison minute. I looked up at the sky, the delirious burning blue, and longed to escape the heavy emotions that had kept me on the ground. I realized that revenge would only serve to ground me again, and I could never spend another second as a jailbird or another minute unable to fly. The moment I had waited for was not to be filled with revenge, but with release of the past that weighed me down like sandbags on a hot air balloon.

I stood to go. “I don’t care anymore. I just want to get on with my life.”

Beatríz slid an envelope across the table. “He loves airplanes. He has your eyes and looks just like you.”

My pale hand trembled as I reached out for the sealed envelope. A knot formed in my stomach and worked its way up my throat as I tore it open and revealed the photo. I cradled the photo in my hands and gawked at the almost six-year old face of my son. He was holding a red toy airplane.

Time flies. My son had been alive six years the first time we went flying together. It was worth the wait.


Forsythia Bush Deterrence  

Posted by Brock Booher

Deterrence is a state of mind brought about by the existence of a credible threat of unacceptable counteraction. (Oxford Military Dictionary)

I was a rambunctious and energetic boy, and consequentially, didn’t want to sit still in church.

One Sunday a family friend watched my mother deal with me as I became irreverent and disruptive in church. Each time I began to get noisy, irreverent, or disruptive, she would simply open her purse and show me something. Every time I looked inside her purse, I settled down and behaved as I should. The family friend saw my mother repeat this process several times during the church meeting. Curious, he approached her at the end of the meeting and asked her what she had in the purse. My mother smiled and opened her purse. There, on top of her wallet, keys, and various other personal items, was a small switch from the forsythia bush in front of our house. My mother understood deterrence in its simplest and most effective form.

My parents were good parents, in fact, exceptional parents considering that they raised ten (mostly normal and functional) children. (We are all normal and functional most of the time.) Our house had a large yellow forsythia bush right outside the front door, and when we misbehaved, we had to march outside and pick a switch from that bush that would then be used as the instrument of our punishment. As one who went to the bush several times, I tried various sizes in an effort to find the size that wouldn’t hurt. I can tell you from personal experience that size did not matter. They all hurt.

Now you might think such punishment harsh, but in reality they were in good company. The Bible explains that Jesus cleansed the temple with a “scourge of small chords” (a whip) and overturned the moneychanger’s tables. In one of the rare displays of physicality, Christ reinforced the law with physical force and moral momentum. By the way, He cleansed the temple a second time right before he was crucified. It seems that Christ himself was passionate about obedience and was not afraid to use physical restraint to extract it. My parents were in good company.

Don’t misunderstand me, they didn’t beat me or abuse me. I think they chose the switch because although it stung, it didn’t do any permanent damage. It also allowed them a bit of distance since they could punish me without striking me with their own hands. Afterwards they would always wrap me in their arms and let me know that they loved me. It was discipline with purpose, not just punishment for punishment’s sake.

With my own children, my wife and I took a slightly different route. We used restrictions and “time outs” more often than the physical punishment. (Maybe because we didn’t have a forsythia bush.) We set standards of behavior that we expected to be followed. When a child chose not to follow that standard of behavior, unfortunate consequences followed. Corporal punishment was less prevalent than when I was raised. We also tried to discipline with purpose, not just punish for punishment’s sake.

I will be the first to admit that I lost it a few times and either said or did inappropriate things that I later regretted. Unlike Christ, who remained in control of his emotions and maintained the moral high ground as he used physical force, I sometimes punished in the strong emotion of the moment. I don’t admit to being guilty of abuse, but of punishing in anger instead of love, or of simply gratifying my bruised ego instead of trying to teach. Of all my sins, those moments of poor parenting still bring me the most pain.

I don’t know all the facts surrounding the Adrian Peterson child abuse case (Or any of the other cases in the media right now). I don’t know if his punishment exceeded what would be considered reasonable. But I can imagine how difficult it must be for both the parent and child to have their relationship judged in the court of public opinion. It will be a tremendous wedge in their relationship for years to come, no matter what the outcome. My heart goes out to the both the father and the son. Ironically, Peterson lost another son (from another relationship) to abuse at the hands of another man just a few short months ago. He is no stranger to the results of abuse.

Parenting takes courage. Sometimes that means the courage to discipline. Sometimes that means the courage to swallow your pride and ego. Sometimes that means the courage to allow your child to feel the pain of their actions as artificial or very real consequences. Sometimes it means having the courage to show mercy and love. It is never easy to know what type of courage is needed day to day.

Parenting also takes a great deal of love. Sometimes that love comes in the form of patience. Sometimes that love manifests itself as restraint. Sometimes that love is shown as much by NOT extracting punishment as it is by punishing. Love doesn’t leave any permanent damage, even when that love is shown through discipline.

Just as Christ was passionate enough to use physical force in the extreme cases, He also admonished that anyone guilty of abusing children would be better off at the bottom of the ocean with a millstone around his neck. It seems that even He was intolerant of domestic abuse.

I have no permanent marks on my legs from all those forsythia switches. I hope my children bear no permanent marks (emotional or physical) from the punishments I meted out. I do hope, however, that the discipline they felt at home will be a deterrent that will keep them from unruly, and rambunctious behavior as an adult. I hope that it will deter them from illegal or immoral behavior. Without proper discipline at home, a society will soon find itself unraveling at the seams and plunging into utter chaos.


However, I certainly hope that the threat of jail time, loss of income, and becoming a pariah of society are successful deterrents to those who would abuse spouse or children. My mother wouldn’t stand for bad behavior. We, as a society, shouldn’t stand for it either.

Yellow Forsythia Bush

I Am Not A Sports Fan  

Posted by Brock Booher

fanatic |fəˈnatik| - a person with an obsessive interest in and enthusiasm for something, esp. an activity

I am not a sports fan. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy playing sports, but watching sports, not so much. I always feel guilty sitting on the couch watching other people get their exercise, or spending hundreds of dollars on tickets for a seat in the nosebleed section of some arena. I am not a sports fan, but I am a fan of sports.

The word “fan” is short for “fanatic.” My youngest son Carson is headed off to college soon, and spite of the fact that the TV in our living room was rarely tuned to Monday Night Football or ESPN Sports Center, somewhere along the way he became a sports fan. I’m not really sure where his love for sports came from, but he truly is a sports fanatic.

Carson's First Soccer Picture
His sporting career started with soccer with my wife as his coach. Then, after a few successful seasons, a neighbor invited him to try baseball and he took to the game very quickly, and his baseball team won the league trophy a couple of times. He played on the All-Star Team. For a time, baseball was the best sport in the world. Then, he went to high school, and because of some bad influences, he left baseball. Next, he took up basketball. He played on a league, played pickup ball, and went to clinics. Within a short time he was an excellent player, but when he tried out for the JV team, he came up short and was listed as the 2nd alternate. Not to be discouraged by the setback, and with the advice from his mother, he took up soccer again. Within a matter of just a few months he was good enough to make the JV soccer team in spite of the fact he hadn’t played the sport for several years. Soccer became his latest passion. He made the high school varsity team, and started. As the season ended his senior year,hHe even went and auditioned for a college team, but once again barely missed making the team.

During all this time, my wife and I attended games, practices, and clinics. I spent time with him throwing baseballs, shooting basketballs, and kicking soccer balls. I watched him strike out, make double plays, and even hit a grand slam to win the game. I watched him make three pointers and miss free throws. I watched him score amazing goals and lose the ball to defenders. I spent a lot of time in bleachers, at courtside, and staring through the fence at the baseball diamond. Through all of this, I never became a sports fanatic, but I did become fanatic about sports.

We love to cheer for the winner – the athlete that excels and breaks the record, scores the most points, or wins the championship, but who are the real winners in sports?

As parents we strive to teach our children the value of hard work, persistence, practice, dedication, teamwork, and the pursuit of excellence. Sports provide opportunities to teach all of those things in ways that are both relevant and real. With sports you are not in some classroom listening to someone lecture about success principles. You are applying success principles and learning by doing. Sports can teach more life lessons in a single season than four years of classroom lectures, and it doesn’t really matter who wins the game, match, or race. It only matters if you participate.

Perhaps Teddy Roosevelt said it best. It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

In the end Carson did not get the athletic scholarship. He wasn’t recruited to play for a professional soccer team (yet). His career as an athlete may never be a success in the way we like to think of success. However, in my eyes he has succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. He has learned the value of work, the necessity of dedication, the demand for excellence, the importance of practice, and the beauty of struggle. He has felt the joy of victory, and the agony of defeat. He is a better man because of his efforts. He is better prepared because of his failures. He is more likely to succeed in life, not because of his athletic prowess, but because of the things he learned from sports.

So here’s to my son Carson, the sports fanatic, and all the other young men and women whose lives are shaped in the crucible of sports competition! May you internalize the lessons learned on the baseball diamond, the soccer field, the basketball court, the swimming pool, the volleyball court, and the track and apply them to the most important sporting event of them all – life.

I may not be a sports fan, but I am a fan of sports.

Carson Playing Soccer With Doodle

The Kentucky Courthouse Run  

Posted by Brock Booher



Simpson County Courthouse
I was driving down the road sometime last year telling my brother how much fun it would be to fly around Kentucky in a small airplane and see how many courthouses I could photograph in one day. He suggested that it would be a lot more fun on motorcycles. Thus, the idea for an adventure (and a magazine article) was born.

I pitched the idea to Kentucky Monthly and to my pleasant surprise they liked it. They gave me a deadline and turned me loose. I bought a motorcycle. We planned the ride, and in mid April, we hit the road. It was such a treat to ride the country roads of Kentucky.

You can read the digital copy of the article here - http://www.kentuckymonthly.com/explore/places/courthouse-motorcycle/
Of course you can buy the August issue of Kentucky Monthly and read it on page 18.

Below I have posted more pictures from the two-wheeled adventure.

Thanks to Steve Vest, Kim Butterweck, and the staff of Kentucky Monthly for letting me have some fun and write about it. Thanks to my brother Chock for helping me hatch the idea and see it through. Thanks to Tahlee, Russell, Shelvin, Bryce, and Tim for joining me on the ride and making it fun. Thanks to my father-in-law, Brent for driving the chase vehicle. And most of all, thanks to my wife Britt for putting up with my crazy notions and taking such wonderful pictures.

Bryce, Tahlee, Chock, Tim, and Me in front of Simpson County Courthouse
Election signs that dotted the highway

A very unique roadside character in Monroe County

Annie Ruby's Cafe in Burkesville KY

A photo by the Alpine Motel above Burkesville, KY


Tim with the Adair County courthouse in the background

The open road

WWII Veteran Roy in Dedman's Drugstore

It's very hard to pass up a store with "fudge" in the name.


A tender embrace with Britt (state capitol in the background)


Ready for an afternoon ride after Moonlite Bar-B-Q Inn

Scars from a previous conflict


Tim taking a break

The friendly dog at Penn's Store


Tahlee and the friendly dog
We decided against using the restroom at Penn's Store


Anderson County Courthouse

We stopped by to visit Steve Vest at Kentucky Monthly

A photo op with Mr. Twain the bobble head

The end of the road at Frosty Freeze in Franklin - Get the baby burgers!


Drew and the Dragon  

Posted by Brock Booher

Drew was one of my brother’s best friends. I first met him at one of our family reunions. He was a good ole boy from North Carolina that loved life, motorcycles, University of North Carolina, and teasing my youngest sister about getting married. I didn’t know him that well, but I have often thought of him over the years since his murder, and how much of a loss it was for my brother. Now I was standing next to his Star Wars adorned headstone in motorcycle gear paying my respects.

Robbinsville, North Carolina lies in the Smoky Mountains along the border with Tennessee. I had ridden Charlie Brown, my BMW motorcycle, down from my hometown in Franklin, Kentucky along with a nephew, a nephew and his wife, and a brother-in-law to meet my youngest brother Amory in a cabin just off of the Cherohala Skyway. After a night at the cabin, we mounted up for a ride along the Cherohala Skyway to Robbinsville, and Drew’s grave.

I scared myself a couple of times getting out of the long gravel driveway from the cabin and down the winding hillside road to the Skyway. The gravel was deep and loose making my back tire fishtail several times, but I kept it upright until we connected to the asphalt. The sweeping turns and majestic, mountain vistas of the Cherohala Skyway took my breath away as it alternated between tunnels of green forest and mist-covered mountaintops. The road was pure riding perfection. It was like a group of motorcycle riders got together and designed the road for the ultimate in motorcycle riding pleasure. It was the right balance of adrenaline, peacefulness, and breathtaking. I’m sure that without my full-face helmet bugs would have flown straight into my wide-open mouth as I rode around each bend in utter amazement at the perfection of the experience.
R2D2

I had never seen a gravestone with Star Wars figures on it, but then again Drew was as unique in life as he was death. He was buried in a hillside surrounded by large trees next to a Baptist church. His mother and sister were buried next to him. They died together, and it was fitting that they rested together in death on the same verdant hillside.

Drew was helping move his sister and her children out of their home during an ugly divorce (Is there any other kind?) when the estranged husband showed up with a high-powered hunting rifle and shot his wife, mother-in-law, and brother-in-law. The eight-year old son and four-year old daughter fled the home and were rescued by their grandfather a few minutes later.

The estranged husband admitted to the triple murder in a plea deal. He told the deputy, “I shot them. They were taking my kids. I shot them.” For his confession, he avoided the death penalty and got three consecutive life sentences. He will die in prison. Unfortunately, that is little consolation for Drew, or his family.

After honoring Drew, we mounted up and headed for Deal’s Gap and the Tail of the Dragon.

The Tail of the Dragon is an eleven-mile stretch of US 129 that begins at the North Carolina/Tennessee border and includes 318 unique turns in that short stretch of highway. It is not a road for cruising and sight seeing. The attraction is not the beautiful wooded roadside, but the road itself. Amory had ridden it several times, but it was the first time for everyone else. We stopped at the souvenir shop with the parking lot full of motorcycles for a bit of memorabilia before we challenged the Dragon.

I got my gear on first and since I was probably going to be the slowest rider, I motored out of the parking lot ahead of everyone else to get a jump on the winding road ahead. I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would I feel the rush of adrenaline, simply the fear of death, or maybe a little of both? Would I be up for the challenge or had I become a dawdling old man putzing along on without pushing myself?

I may not be the ego-driven man of my twenties anymore, but as I approached the first turn, I put on my game face. I wasn’t going to break any records on a motorcycle built like a prairie schooner, but I was going to stretch myself just a bit. After all, the road of life is very boring if we never roll on the throttle and let the engine roar. At first I was timid, but with each curve I felt my confidence grow. I found a rhythm in the road. Man and machine working together to slay the Dragon. It was exhilarating as I leaned into each turn and accelerated out of every twist only to find the road curving away from me again. In my rearview mirror I saw my younger brother Amory. I rode a little harder. It felt good to push my personal envelope a bit. Somewhere in those 300 plus turns, I felt the joy of the experience, the unadulterated thrill of the ride, and the satisfaction of a challenged life.

We were all grins when we made a pit stop at the other end of the Tail of the Dragon.

Amory spoke at Drew’s funeral, and afterwards the family gave him Drew’s old motorcycle. He fixed it up a bit and still rides it today. Death, it seems, may separate us from those we love, but it will only defeat us when we stop living our lives. My brother rides on, not to forget Drew, but to remember him.

Life is a highway – a journey, not a destination. It can be a boring, mindless journey if we only travel down straight roads. Sometimes we have to challenge the dragons in our lives to remember why we are living.


Milk Run  

Posted by Brock Booher

This short story was inspired by real events, well... sort of.

             Deputy Crawford sat in his cruiser with window open enjoying a ham sandwich and the warm spring night when his radio came to life.
            “Dispatch to Crawdaddy,” sang the radio.
            The diligent Deputy swallowed and picked up the mike. “This is Deputy Crawford. Go ahead.”
            “Your wife called Crawdaddy. She wants you to pick up some milk on the way home tonight.” Laughter echoed over the airwaves as the dispatcher held the microphone button down after making his transmission.
            “I would remind dispatch,” warned Deputy Crawford, “that county regulations do not allow for personal transmissions over official frequencies.”
            “Okay Crawdaddy, forget I told you to pick up some milk on the way home, but don’t ask me to explain to your wife how you came home empty handed when she has hungry mouths to feed.” More laughter.
            “I would also remind you to refer to me by my official title of ‘Deputy Crawford’ when you address me over the radio.”
            “Sure thing Crawdaddy.” Laughter erupted again.
            “Deputy Crawford out,” snarled Raymond Crawford, the newest deputy of Jessamine County.
            He polished off his sandwich and washed it down with his Coke. “I get no respect,” he mumbled to himself as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “They stuck me out here on this country road because of a bogus tip and tease me over the radio.” He spat out the window and shook his head. “No respect.”
            A black Camaro zipped past with the lights off.
            “What the devil!” Deputy Crawford flipped on his lights and brought the cruiser to life. He burned rubber as the tires connected with the asphalt as the black Camaro disappeared around the next bend. Deputy Crawford grinned at himself in the mirror. He loved a good chase. It reminded him of his days on the racetrack before his wife made him quit racing and get a real job. County regulations didn’t prohibit him from modifying his cruiser, and he had taken the liberty of upgrading and improving his machine. He was on the Camaro’s bumper in less than two minutes.
            The black Camaro pulled over and came to a stop. Deputy Crawford shined his spotlight on the license plate and ran a background check – nothing out of the ordinary. He tucked his ticket book under his arm and slipped from his cruiser, adjusted his belt, and kept one hand on his gun as he approached the vehicle. The black Camaro had the windows tinted, but the driver had turned on the dome light and rolled down the window. Deputy Crawford gave a sigh of relief when he saw the driver’s hands on the dashboard, but didn’t take his hand off of his gun.
            “Going a little fast ain’t we?” asked Deputy Crawford as he approached the open window and shined his flashlight at the driver.
            “Sorry officer, I was just trying to get home to my babies.” The woman’s voice was silky smooth and dripping with penance.
            Deputy Crawford gawked at the woman in the front seat. Her hair was blacker than the Camaro and her doe eyes were as brown as the leather seats. Her blouse seemed to be missing a few buttons. “Wh… wh… why such a hurry to get home to your babies?”
            She batted her eyelashes and shifted in her seat. “I’m breastfeeding twins and I’m about to pop.”
            Deputy Crawford swallowed and loosened his collar. “Twins? Uh… license and registration please, uh… ma’am.” He dropped the beam of the flashlight and shifted his focus to the car hoping she couldn’t see how flush his face was. He shined his flashlight along the smooth lines of the machine and tried to stay focused on doing his job. He loved fast cars – the sound of roaring engines, the smell of burning rubber, the feel of pushing the suspension to the limit in a turn. He shined his flashlight at the tires and wrinkled his brow.
            “Here you go officer,” said the woman as she handed him the requested papers. Her hands were reddish and rougher than he expected.
            He looked over the papers. “It says here you live in Madison County.”
            “Yes sir, out in the country all by myself, with my twin babies.”
            “Then what are you doing in Jessamine County going away from Madison County at a high rate of speed?”
            She sighed and adjusted her blouse. “You got me officer. I don’t have twins.” She smiled a devious smile. “I’m on my way to a little secret rendezvous and the excitement of it all made me drive a little too fast.” She winked. “You do know what its like to get… excited, don’t ya?”
            “Uh… yes ma’am,” replied Deputy Crawford as he pushed up the rim of his hat with his flashlight. He shined the light at the car. “You mind telling me why your car is setting so low on its suspension?”
            She leaned out the window letting her blouse open even more. “It looks fine to me.”
            “I’m going to need you to open the trunk,” said Deputy Crawford as he focused on the sleek lines of the Camaro.
            “The trunk? Why?”
            “I suspect that you are transporting beverages from unlicensed producers for sale on the black market.”
            Her face turned sour, and she buttoned up her blouse. “You got a warrant?”
            “Don’t need one. I pulled you over on a legitimate traffic stop and saw evidence of a crime. The law gives me the right to investigate.” Deputy Crawford shined his flashlight in her face and put his hand on his gun. “Now, open the trunk.”
            The driver shook her head, leaned forward, and popped the trunk. “See for yourself.”
            Deputy Crawford grinned when opened the trunk and shined his flashlight – the tip was right. The trunk was full of large mason jars packed in coolers of ice. It was the mother lode. He strode back to the front of the car. “Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m going to have ask you to step out of the vehicle.”
            “For that?” she said as she pointed her thumb at the rear of the vehicle. “That ain’t hurting nobody.”
            Deputy Crawford straightened himself up to his full height. “Kentucky Administrative Regulation 902 prohibits the transportation, or sale, of raw milk. I can see from your red hands that you do the milking yourself. On your way to Lexington to sell it to some unsuspecting city folks?”
            “Look Deputy, it’s milk for crying out loud. It ain’t like I’m running moonshine. It’s milk! You know, cow juice, moo-moo, crème de la crème – MILK!” She shook her head. “Don’t you have something more important to do, like catch REAL criminals?”
            “A criminal is someone that breaks the law. You are clearly in violation of Kentucky Administrative Regulation 902, and that makes you a criminal.”
            She shook her head. “Do you starch your own underwear or do you make your wife do it for you?”
            “Now just a minute…” Deputy Crawford stopped midsentence. He scratched his chin with butt of his flashlight. He grinned. “I believe that the regulation does allow you to share the milk with friends and family. You wouldn’t happen to be visiting family in Jessamine County would you?”
            The woman’s mouth fell open. “Uh… why yes, I am visiting my aunt Susie. She lives in Jessamine County. She loves my milk.”
            “That looks like a lot of milk for Aunt Susie. Do you think you could spare a little for a friend… in law enforcement?”

            When Deputy Crawford turned his cruiser down the lane to his house at the end of his shift, he had two mason jars full of ice cold cow juice on the back floorboard, each with the a thick layer of cream at the top.