It isn’t every day you fall in love, but it can take a lifetime of days to realize how much in love you really are with someone. I have heard of love at first sight, but I have never experienced it. I imagine it feels something like I felt thirty years ago on the first day I realized I was in love with my wife.

We had been dating for a few months and spending a lot of our time together. It started casually at first—card games, study sessions, motorcycle rides, but as we grew more comfortable the spark kindled. One day we went for a drive up into the canyon. It was springtime and the snow had melted. For some reason, as we were driving she yelled, “Look at the cows!” Sure enough a herd of cows were grazing at the fence near the road. She wanted to stop and pet them. Now, being a farm boy from Kentucky, I had seen plenty of cows and had no interest in “petting” them. Her enthusiasm convinced me to stop. When I pulled over she jumped out of the car and called the cows as she approached the fence. Surprisingly, the cows responded and gathered around her. I opened my door and stood by the car with a big grin on my face while she plucked the long grass on our side of the fence and fed it to the cows giggling like a little girl.

I stood by the car with my jaded view of petting cattle and shook my head at the scene. Then it happened. Time slowed down. Sounds were muffled and in spite of being in the outdoors my vision seemed to constrict until the only thing I could see was her. In spite of the pleasant temperature, I felt suddenly flush and my heart rate quickened. It was if the whole world full of billions had dwindled down to just two people. My entire being was overwhelmed with the feeling that I loved her. Her laughter broke the trance, but after that moment I knew I was in love with her.

You can’t build a lasting relationship on a moment, but it is a good place to start. From that epiphany moment I mustered the courage to ask her to marry me. From the marriage commitment we began to build a loving relationship brick by brick. Some days I added a brick to the structure. Sadly, some days I destroyed a wall or two and had to spend time repairing the damage instead of adding to the structure.

A moment does not a marriage make. A flourish of emotion is not the same as devotion. A passing desire will never rise to the level of love. You can begin with a moment, but you must intentionally build thousands of other moments if you wish to continue building a loving relationship that will stand the test of time. Love is not just an emotion. It is a verb, a call to selfless action.

So, thirty years later I’m blessed to still be married to the girl that made me stop to pet the cows on the side of the road. It has been thirty years full of moments—sometimes loving, sometimes angry, sometimes tender, sometimes harsh, sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter. In spite of the ups and downs and the highs and the lows, I remembered that moment. And in remembering, I pressed forward in the darkness knowing that the light of love would return as long as I followed through with my promises to her.

I fell in love that day, but it has taken thirty years of loving moments for me to realize how much in love I really am.