Recent headline —Houston
transgender bathroom bill debate centers on differing definitions of ‘men’
It used to be a simple question. When the doctor
delivered a newborn baby everyone asked, “Is it a boy or a girl?” There
typically wasn’t a lot of arguing about it and the answer was obvious almost
all of the time. (Gender ambiguity only occurs in 1 out of 4500 births. www.childrenshospital.org/conditions-and-treatments/conditions/ambiguous-genitalia)
Biology hasn’t changed over the years, and with today’s science and DNA tests,
the sex of the baby can be
determined, even in the rare cases of gender ambiguity. What has changed is how people identify
themselves. The definition of a ‘man’ has certainly changed, but I would argue
that behavior does more to define manhood than DNA.
When I was kid you could identify a man by the way
he carried himself. A man walked a certain way, talked a certain way, and had
an air about him that let you know he was a man. A man walked into a room with
confidence, even if he wasn’t the smartest or most qualified person in the
room. He held his head high, looked people in the eye, and gave a firm
handshake. If you had to tell someone you were a man it was a sure sign that
you weren’t. Real men carried themselves like men.
You could tell a man by the way he talked. A man
used words like, “Ma’am” and “Sir.” A man watched his language in polite
company and avoided vulgarity. A man’s word was his bond and he would rather
die before dishonoring his good name with a lie. A man didn’t waste time
whining or complaining unless he also offered a solution to the problem. A man
avoided talking behind someone’s back and preferred to tell you his opinion to
your face where it could be disputed in manly style. Real men talked like men.
You could tell a man by the way he dealt with pain.
A man kept his pain to himself. If he was hurt, sick, or injured he didn’t
complain about it or announce it to the world. He understood that when you
complain half of the people don’t care about your problems, and the other half
are glad you’ve got them. A man stoically pressed forward enduring the pain
until it subsided, or maybe killed him. Real men dealt with pain quietly and
without fanfare.
You could tell a man by the way he shouldered
responsibility. A man didn’t ask for quarter, he asked for opportunity. When a
man made a mistake, he fessed up and made it right. He didn’t avoid the
difficult task, but rolled up his sleeves and got busy. He didn’t look for the
government, his neighbor, or heaven forbid his wife, to do his work for him. If
a man had a job to do, he did it. Real men squared their shoulders and bore
responsibility with pride.
You could tell a man by the way he treated duty. A
man viewed his duty as an obligation that he must fulfill. A man didn’t look
for loopholes or excuses to shirk his duty. When duty called, such as serving
your country, taking care of your neighbor, speaking out against injustice, he
answered that call without fanfare and did what duty required. Real men treated
duty as an obligation of manhood.
You could tell a man by the way he behaved around
women, and children. A man opened doors for women, or offered a woman his seat
on a crowded bus. A man deferred to a woman in a crowd and allowed her to go
first. He offered up his coat, umbrella, or whatever else he could offer to
ease a woman’s burden or make her more comfortable. He protected children from
harm, bounced them on his knee, and told them stories. A man provided for his
children and loathed a handout, considering it an insult to his manhood. Real
men took care of women and children.
Have real men become so rare that we need a committee to define
manhood nowadays? Men have we done such a poor job of being real men that even
the very definition of a man is under debate? I’m not talking about ego-driven,
chest-thumping, juvenile behavior. I’m referring to the all the strengths that
ennoble man and make him worthy of emulation. If manhood has become so rare
that it needs a council of politicians to define it, then maybe it’s time we put
down the bite-size quiche and started being men again.
Yes, politicians and society may debate about the
differing definitions of men, but a real man is still easy to pick out of the
crowd. He’s the one behaving like a
man.
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on Thursday, October 15, 2015
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